There's a blog post that's recently gone viral, written by an irate mother, exploring the complicated world of playground politics. In the piece, she complains about other parents helping her daughters climb structures because, apparently, this is going to teach them to be lazy and overly-dependent on our societal patriarchy, and thus, be utter failures as not only human beings, but as women.
Her words: "They're not here to be at the top of the ladder; they are here to learn to climb." Ooh, I feel so inspired. "If they can't do it on their own, they will survive the disappointment. What's more, they will have a goal and the incentive to work to achieve it."
Hang on, let's break this down... Your daughter is attempting to climb some ladder that she thinks is too big for her. You, for whatever reason, are choosing not to help her. And I, by offering her a helping hand, am IMPEDING her development. Are we on the same page?
Perhaps you can explain it a little clearer: "I don't want my daughters to learn that they can't overcome obstacles without help." Fair enough. I want my kids to learn that too. "I don't want them to learn that they are entitled to the reward without having to push through whatever it is that's holding them back and *earn* it." Yeah, okay. Sounds like pretty standard parenting to me. "Because -- and this might come as a surprise to you -- none of those things are true. And if I let them think for one moment that they are, I have failed them as a mother." Wow. Got a little condescending towards then end there, huh?
I think I'm starting to follow along here... You want your little girls to learn that the world is a cold, unforgiving place and that you can't count on anyone, ever. No, too harsh? You're hoping to foster strong, independent women, and to teach them that accepting help from men, especially strange ones, will only lead to a life of submission and passivity? What, you never specifically mention feminism and I'm just inferring bitterness into your argument? Fair enough. But you gotta admit, this is an awfully backhanded way of teaching your kids a lesson.
How about, instead of writing a tirade, proving the world how passionate of a mother you are, you talk to your girls about this goal of independence. When Eli wants help doing something I know he already can, I stand behind him and coach his movements, explaining that we both know he knows how to do this.
Or, how about, we not assume that I'm actively undermining your parenting decisions. Because -- and this might come as a surprise to you -- I'm not actually paying very close attention to you or your children, I'm focused on mine. Your daughter just so happened to be climbing next to me and I thought it was easier to just pick her up, and then keep watching my kid, rather than attempt to watch BOTH children. I don't know if she can climb or not. What am I supposed to do, just let her fall? I'm standing right there!
A week ago, at a playground, a small girl I didn't know slipped and fell off a slide and got stuck in a crevice of the structure while I was sitting nearby. Because the structure is made of slippery stuff, she couldn't get herself out. Yes, if she just slowed down, took a breath, and looked at the situation, she'd have realized it wasn't a complicated procedure. But, BECAUSE SHE'S A CHILD, she started to cry and scream instead. So what did I do? I picked her up. Her dad soon came rushing over, took her from me, and calmed the girl down. She was fine, by the way. But it made me realize, this is the world we live in. It has become more socially acceptable for me to LEAVE HER THERE, because it is either weird for me to touch a child I don't know, or (apparently) I'm teaching her to be dependent on men for the rest of her life.
Whatever happened to the kindness of strangers? Or finding a helping hand when you need one? Doesn't it take a village? That's what I was always taught. Of course, you could also try just putting your damn smart phone down. That makes it a lot easier to raise your kids the way you want. Just saying...
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